Father, when first I set sail on this life in another land,
I believed your promise, that for every
house
brother
sister
father
mother
child
or land
left behind for your name’s sake,
I would receive a hundredfold.
And indeed, Lord, in you,
my gains have well surpassed my losses.
And yet now I face a potential loss
that could easily make me reconsider it all.
I have received the pale news that _________ [insert loved one’s name]
is not well.
I knew that this could happen.
I had already counted that cost.
But I did not know
just how it would land on my heart
and commence such a growing tension
like the grimaces of a rope
whose fibers are beginning to fray.
Have mercy, Lord.
I did not know
that hearing of the suffering of another
whom I love so much
would far surpass the suffering
that I myself have bore on this journey.
Have mercy, Lord.
I did not know
that being limited to comfort only through prayer
without the gift of physical touch
without the power of embodied presence
without the offering of sacrificial service
would gnarl in me emotions
like the knotty part of a log that won’t split.
In view of such emotions, the supplicant is here encouraged to confess them freely before the Lord, which may include:
Guilt for not being there
Fear of ongoing suffering and loss
Confusion about what steps to take
Strain from traveling back and forth
Anxiety over expectations from family
Longing for healing
Distraction from needs at hand
Grief in a fallen world
Desperation for the sufferer to trust Christ
Lord, I do not grieve as those
who have no hope.
Just as you touched the hand of Peter’s mother-in-law
and caused her to rise
so that Peter could continue to serve you far from home,
I ask that you would heal _________ [insert loved one’s name].
And I ask that you would raise up people
who will care and comfort well
on my behalf.
As you do so,
let it be enough for me.
And yet, as I surrendered to you from the first,
even now I will follow
if you call me back home
to take the glorious posture
of bowing low
and washing feet.
Or I will stay
if you so choose,
and carry on
with the added weight of sorrow
that will only make me weaker
and thus more pliable
in the hands of your all-sufficient grace.
Only make it clear, Father.
And give me more of you.
Amen.
This liturgy was originally featured at The Upstream Collective.